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Should you live out your fantasies?

Some fantasies are worth living. Others are better left in your head. A few questions to help you tell which is which.

A fantasy is a film you play for yourself, and you’re the director. Everything goes exactly as you want. Nobody’s back hurts, and nobody’s phone rings at the wrong moment. Reality has never read the script.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t live anything. Just that it’s better to know what you’re getting into.

Questions to ask first

Not to scare yourself. To find out where you stand.

• What really turns me on here? The act, or the idea, the secret, talking about it?
• Who wants it most? If it’s mainly you, she may say yes to please you. That isn’t the same as wanting it.
• What does the next morning look like? Breakfast, the looks. Really imagine it.
• What would hurt me? A jealousy, a detail. You probably already know.

There’s plenty of room in between

It’s often presented as a choice: keep it to yourself or act on it. In reality there are many steps in between. Talking about it in bed. Telling each other scenarios. Reading stories together. Playing a role for an evening.

Many couples stop there, and that isn’t failure. For some, the pleasure is precisely in saying it, promising it, putting it off.

If you decide to go ahead

A few things that couples who have done it often repeat:

• Write down the rules. On paper, for real. What’s allowed, what isn’t, what you’ll tell each other afterward.
• Agree on a word that stops everything, one that either of you can say at any moment without having to justify it.
• The first time, do less than planned. You’ll have time to do it again.
• The next day, talk. Even if everything went well. Especially if everything went well.

And if you decide not to

That’s a decision too, and it doesn’t close anything. The fantasy is still there, yours, and you can keep playing with it. Some couples have been talking about it for ten years without ever doing it, and they’re not tired of it.

One more step in between

Fiction can also be a testing ground, just for you. That’s the idea behind Nyssia’s cuckold AI chat: nothing real, and you stop whenever you want.